


Alphabet Soup

by ceria



Category: Item 47 (Marvel Cinematic Universe), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: And Clint's inability to not be sarcastic, Blame it on Asgard and magic, M/M, Mpreg, Nick Fury swears a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-26 05:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/646913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceria/pseuds/ceria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for <a href="http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/13316.html?thread=30397188#t30397188"> this prompt</a> at the Avengerkink meme. (Clint Barton and Phil Coulson are married and have a kid - it's their biological child through some magical or Asgardian means. Whilst the kid is loved and adored by the Avengers, Nick Fury is their kid's favourite "uncle"… Coulson knows this, so he likes to leave his child with Fury to baby-sit, particularly because Fury takes it as a challenge to see if he can still terrify SHIELD agents.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alphabet Soup

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to infiniteeight and Nawilla for the beta and encouragement, and whoever made this prompt because it was a lot of fun (and silliness) to write. I continued to play with it afterwards so any mistakes are my fault.

**1\. Claire/Bennie, 6 years post Avengers**

Bennie thought about the Chitauri weapon they found after the battle in New York and looked at his wife, 'Claire, your last idea almost got us killed.'

'Don't exaggerate, Bennie. My last idea landed us these sweet jobs with SHIELD.'

'Sweetheart, I suspect that there's a really good reason for this…. "anomaly," as you called it.' They'd seen a lot of weird things since Agent Sitwell had recruited them, this might be near the top, but definitely not the weirdest.

'What did I tell you?'

Benjamin sighed but refrained from rolling his eyes. Even though he worked for the think tank and she didn't, she was still the smarter one. 'That you're always right.'

Claire pointed at the screen on the far left, her fingernail tapping against the frame. 'There it goes again.'

'Your "it" looks like a little girl, Claire.'

'What did Sitwell tell us? To trust our gut. How many rug rats have _you_ seen in the five years since we started here?'

'None.'

'Exactly. Let's go apprehend her.' She was definitely watching too many cop shows lately. Sighing – again – Bennie followed her.

'Look at what she's carrying!' Claire hissed and Bennie squinted to see better. 

'An ice-cream cone? What's so scary about that?'

'The cafeteria doesn't serve ice cream, Bennie. It's proof.'

'Isn't medical that way? Maybe she's coming from medical. Maybe her family is there or something.'

'Impossible,' Claire hissed, sneaking closer to the kid. 'That's the classified section of medical. I'm telling you, she's probably a mutant and is escaping by morphing through the walls or something. Let's catch her!'

Claire jumped out, startling the little girl who had to be around five. She flinched, her loose, blond ringlets whipping around, catching on her strawberry ice cream cone, almost tipping it onto her coral dress. She frowned and then looked up, glaring at Claire. Bennie swallowed, and stepped slightly in front of Claire.

'Hi, little girl. Are you lost?'

'No.'

'Where are you going?' Bennie asked.

'Name and rank?' the little girl said, eyes narrowing. 'I'm not allowed to talk to most people.'

'See,' Claire hissed, 'I told you.' She looked at the little girl and smiled, leaning over to get closer to her. 'We're SHIELD agents, sweetheart. You can trust us.'

'Rank,' the little girl insisted, tossing her hair at them. When neither of them answered, she took a step back, closer toward medical. Claire took a step with her, grabbing Bennie's hand to bring him along too.

'Why don't you let us take you somewhere?' Claire said and the little girl shook her head. Claire reached out for her just as the little girl shrieked and hopped back out of her reach.

'Grandpa!' she yelled and seconds later, around yet another corner, Bennie heard the stomp of boots.

Nick fucking Fury stormed around the corner and swept the little girl into his arms, pink ice cream dripping all down his black uniform. 'They wouldn't tell me their rank, Grandpa, so I didn't tell them anything,' she said, all but snuggling into his careful grip.

'Name and rank,' Fury snarled at them, the girl cradled in one arm while he swept her curls back from her face.

Bennie complied immediately for both of them, all but saluting. Claire had that weird look on her face – just like the time he'd dared her to eat oysters. Personally, he felt like pissing his pants.

'We were told to examine things out of the ordinary, Sir.' Claire said by way of explanation. 'There's never been a little girl running through the halls of SHIELD before. That's not ordinary.' 

Bennie wasn't sure that helped.

'So you thought it wise to disturb a little girl who is walking our halls outside of medical? Did it never occur to you that maybe she's here, visiting her family? That maybe your "help" could fucking cause her distress?'

'I'm sorry, sir?' Bennie said and Fury hmphed at him. 

'Frightening my goddaughter is a way to get yourself terminated, Agents.' Fury said. Bennie _really_ hoped he meant fired and not the other definition for that word.

'Sorry, sir,' Bennie said again and Fury turned around, carrying her back to medical, the little girl giggling in his arms.

 

**2\. Jasper Sitwell, 5 years post Avengers**

Breaking in the new Agents was always fun. Agent Coulson had the group first thing in the morning, overseeing their hand-to-hand finals before Sitwell turned them over to Agent Barton, who oversaw their marksmanship final. Sitwell escorted them to the last conference room of the day, letting them pick their own seats while he sat down in the far corner.

This was actually his favorite seminar of the whole training process, not that he'd ever tell anyone that. Getting comfortable in the hard wooden chair, he let Director Fury lead the PowerPoint presentation. "Disseminating information" was a misnomer if he'd ever heard one since this was a counter-interrogation test.

Twenty minutes into the presentation, little Alphabet Soup wandered into the room, tugging on Fury's leg and holding up her arms. Without breaking his monologue, Fury swept her up and kissed her forehead, depositing her onto the table where she stayed, playing with a pair of Captain America and Iron Man dolls.

The presentation complete, Fury came around to sit next to Sitwell, apparently ignoring the small girl. She grinned at the Junior Agents, who watched her curiously, a little confused as to why she was there until she started talking to each of them, beginning with innocuous questions but moving on to more personal tidbits. Most of the agents seemed to catch on quickly that a girl appearing that young shouldn't be articulate enough to try and wheedle information out of them. 

Only one of them actually answered her questions and Sitwell sighed with relief. Franks had been a braggart from day one and even directly following the lecture during a day of final tests, couldn't keep his mouth shut. Jasper had been looking for a reason to dismiss Franks from day one but the idiot had managed to score high enough on all the physical tests to not warrant Sitwell kicking him out of the program.

Sitwell stood, moving toward the front of the table and held out his hands for Alphabet Soup. She grinned and shook her head, scooting down the table to climb into Fury's arms instead. Jasper acknowledged the five Agents who passed the final test and left Franks, who quickly realized that he'd just failed out of SHIELD training, for last.

'What the fuck?' he sputtered, pointing at her. 'How can a little girl make me fail?'

'Did you just swear in the presence of my goddaughter?' Fury asked, standing up and walking closer, Alphabet perched on his shoulder like a large parrot.

'No, sir?' he said.

'Get off my ship, your imbecile,' Fury snarled and Jasper had to hide a smile as she giggled.

'I don't understand,' Franks said, glancing between Fury and Sitwell; Jasper didn't bother to hide his eye roll.

'Do you think the enemy won't employ shifters to get information out of you?'

'That's a shifter?' Franks asked, pointing at her.

'Nope,' Fury said, finally smiling. 'She's just a hell of a lot smarter than you are.'

 

**3\. Maria Hill, 4 years post Avengers**

The bridge during a battle would never be the place for a child, but who was going to argue when it was the Director who'd brought her onboard? Apparently Ms Potts was out of the country with work and the Avengers had all assembled to fight. Sitwell was here and Coulson was with the Avengers, of course, so all the normal babysitters were rather occupied.

So there she sat at a unused station close to Fury, ignoring the flurry of motion on the bridge while the Director shouted out commands and the Helicarrier crew responded – never quite quick enough to avoid his use of swear words. Little ABC kept busy with her paper and crayons, drawing a bunch of stick figures whom Maria decided were meant to represent her family. She might have to commandeer that picture once it was done – assuming Fury didn't steal it first. 

'Keep your damn eyes off my picture, Hill,' Fury said, grinning briefly at her during a lull.

'I'm pretty sure you can afford to give one up, Director. I've seen the book you keep locked in your desk drawer.' And she had seen it last week, under the bottle of whiskey that they occasionally drank when the victory warranted it. He had an entire photo album of artwork and pictures from his goddaughter. It was adorable.

At least three different Agents lowered their heads and started working harder, as if it meant they wouldn't hear Maria or Fury talking about something as mundane as ABC's drawings. It was even more adorable how afraid of Director Fury they all were.

Maria carded one hand through the girl's short, blond curls. 'Hey, ABC. When you're done, can I have that picture to hang in my office?'

'Yes,' she said, grinning up at her. 

'What do you mean by "yes," little one?' Fury asked, glaring at the two of them. 'I thought all pictures drawn on my boat were for me?'

'I'll make you a different one, Grandpa,' she said and Fury's expression melted into something fond when she smiled at him.

Maria hoped none of the bridge crew were WSC spies or they were all compromised.

 

**4\. Clint Barton & Natasha Romanoff, 3 years post Avengers**

'You do realize that you have the best group of babysitters in the world, right?' Natasha asked.

'I know, but she's my only kid, Nat.'

Which didn't completely explain why they were hiding out, spying on Nick Fury while he babysat the little angel, but Natasha had realized years ago that Clint would never trust anyone except her and Coulson one hundred percent.

Nick was more relaxed then Natasha had ever seen him; leaning back on his sofa, an audio book playing across the speakers, while Clint's daughter played on the floor. She scooted closer once she got bored with her toys, grabbing Nick's jeans to pull herself up, smiling at him.

He grinned back and stood up, leaving her clinging to his leg while he – if it was anyone else, Natasha would have called it dancing – moved around the room with her squealing in delight.

'Don't make my daughter throw up, Nick,' Phil said, coming into sight.

'I told you before, Phil, my motherfucking leg is not for her to climb. If you want her on something stationary, go plant a tree.'

'Papa!' she said, letting go of Nick and stumbling across the room to Phil. Natasha glanced at Clint, who couldn't stop grinning like an idiot at the scene. He didn't even look guilty for his expression when he glanced at her.

'Oh, shut up. You know it's awesome.'

Maybe, but that didn't mean she had to admit it out loud - ever.

 

**5\. Pepper Potts, 2 years post Avengers**

She'd honestly just come into work to do some overdue e-mail maintenance. She could have done it from home, but the boys had all been playing war games all morning and she was getting annoyed with both Avengers and SHIELD agents popping out of dark corners. 

So she'd brought Alphabet with her. Pepper sighed, correcting the mental name no matter what Tony called Phil's daughter. Angie was still asleep and in her carrier as Pepper signed into her computer and email.

Not even ten seconds later, two discreet red lights started flashing on her desk.

'No way,' Pepper mumbled, undoing the clasp on Angie's carrier and picking her up while she used the speaker phone to dial Tony.

'Yeah, Pep? This better be important,' he laughed and something crashed and she really hoped it wasn't another expensive vase.

'Alarms two and five are going off,' she said just as she heard JARVIS, via the phone, override most of the Tower's protocols announcing that SI seemed to be under attack and that both Ms Potts and Miss Coulson were currently in office.

'On our way,' Tony said, disconnecting the call.

She didn't have long to wait – JARVIS would make it difficult for anyone trying to get into SI (again) and within ten minutes, Nick Fury himself was knocking on her glass window, having repelled down either from the roof or the Helicarrier itself. She took Angie into the bathroom while he cut through the glass.

'Who's the motherfucker threatening our goddaughter?' he asked as Pepper came back out, Angie asleep against her shoulder, mindful of the broken glass now on the floor.

'I haven't checked yet,' she said as Angie woke up, the cold wind whistling into her now-aerated office.

'The Avengers landed seconds ago,' Nick admitted. 'I told them I'd sit it out with you two while they deal with it.' Nick picked up the other blanket still in the carrier and carefully felt it over but there wasn't any glass in it – it hadn't been anywhere near where he came through the window. 

'Thank you,' she said, handing Angie over so Nick could cradle her tiny body in his arms while Pepper tucked the blanket around her. 'Are you going to interrogate them?' 

'Assuming Barton leaves any of them alive?' Nick asked, a blood-thirsty grin on his face. 'Damn straight I am.' He kissed Angie's mostly-bald head. 'Want to watch?'

'Yes, please.'

 

**+1. Phil Coulson, 1 year post Avengers**

'It's not April First, Phil, and this isn't funny. It's not even medically possible.' Nick read the entire report again, trying to put the Avengers trip to Asgard into a logical context. Not that logic could apply to this cluster fuck.

Coulson rubbed the bridge of his nose and nodded in agreement. 'I've detailed everything that was said, word for word, Nick. Clint and I have already talked this to death and Dr. Banner and Stark have confirmed that he's pregnant.'

'You told the Avengers first?'

'Not by choice! They were _there_ , Nick. And Barton was freaking out so Tony commandeered the medical supplies and books needed to verify it last night. He and Dr. Banner have already run three tests this morning.'

'So, I guess the only question that remains is… are you going to make Barton an honest man?' He couldn't help the laughter bubbling over as he tried to catch his breath again.

'I hate you,' Phil growled as he pulled a small box out of his jacket pocket and put it on the desk. Nick opened it to reveal matching wedding rings.

'You already had these, didn't you?'

'I bought them two months ago, as soon as I was released from medical. I just never thought…' Phil sighed and shook his head. Nick had to agree, Barton was a smartass but no one – except apparently Asgardian royalty – ever took him literally. 'You're the captain of this boat, will you marry us?'

'Is she going to call me Uncle Nick?'

'No,' Phil admitted. 'More like Godfather and Grandpa.'

'What?' he asked, unsure he'd heard Phil correctly. 'I'm not your damn father, Phil.'

'Clint's idea actually,' Phil said, eyes narrowing and Nick knew that expression. Phil got it anytime he thought someone might seriously say something to upset Barton. 'He doesn't have any parents and I do so he's claiming you as grandfather for his side.'

Oh. Well, in that case, Nick couldn't really complain, could he? _Grandpa_. He kind of liked that.

'Can't believe I'm saying this, but we don't even have forms for this type of scenario so I'm just going to mark your report as documentation.'

'Sure,' Phil said, rubbing his nose again. The migraine must be terrible today.

'What are you going to name her?'

'Not Angel like Clint suggested. We agreed on Angelica Barton Coulson.'

'Her initials are going to be ABC?'

'Stark has already started calling her Alphabet Soup.'

Lord, Nick hadn't laughed this much in two years. 'Go home, Phil. Plan your wedding and the birth of your child. Take some medicine for your migraine and have a nap.'

'Thank you, sir.'

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Clint Barton, Omega](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7154891) by [Takanotori_Kari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takanotori_Kari/pseuds/Takanotori_Kari)




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